The Unexpected Shattering of My Heart

It wasn't quite I HATE YOU, it was almost worse.

Is there worse than hearing your kid say I HATE YOU????

Lord, knows I said it to my own mother more times than any heart should have to bear.

A lovely day spent in the city with an old friend who hadn't seen us since he was a baby.

We played trains and make-believe and chase until it was time to go.

A quick drop off and we were nearing home when I heard....

Him: "Mama, I need to tell you something!"

Me: "Sure, what's up?"

Him: "Mama, I don't love you...in fact, I never did."

He's three.

He broke my heart into a million pieces.

It took a moment before I composed myself and told him that it was a shame that he didn't love me anymore.

It took a moment before I told him that my love would never falter, come what may--part of my heart was marked forever his.

7 Reasons Co-sleeping Doesn't Work For Me

Ten Tiny toes tucked between my shoulder blades.

One not-so-small head aggressively pushing itself into the base of my spine.

A miniature hand "hugging" my throat.

A belly fetal positioned on top of my head, over my face.

Two pointy knees kneeding my chest.

Legs that warp them themselves around my feet like ropes.

And, dude Mamma needs more than 5.264 inches of space to sleep. So S-C-O-O-C-H yourself over!

Driving Down the Hallway

My hat's off to those parents out there who have had to spend lots of time in the hospital with their children. You are the unsung heroes of the world.

Last night was our first brush with the Pediatric Emergency Room and we hope it was our last. Although, with a certain someone's proclivity for wild abandon toward bat swinging it might not be. Let's just cross our fingers and toes and hope for the best from here on out.

It was a run of the mill Tuesday night here, I had left for work and was getting my groove on at work when my phone lit up with a call from the hubs. And, he never I mean never calls me at work. The nature of my job means that I can't usually answer a call and so it's just the way it goes. I sent him to voice-mail and thought maybe he was just calling to tell me something ridiculously cute that the Little Dude had done. He's big into intentionally C.U.T.E. these days.

Then he texted, "Call home as soon as you can. Buddy is not okay.". Whoa, this is not what I was expecting. Long story short due to a very gracious co-worker I drove home as fast as my little wheels could legally take me.

From the moment I walked in it was evident that neither one of us wanted to wait out the two hours it would take for the pediatrician to call back. We ate some dinner exceedingly quickly and made the scary journey to the ER. As we were searching for a spot, said pediatrican called back and said that's exactly where he was going to send us.

No firm answers as to what his global pain was caused by, but they incidentally found an ear infection and think it's possible it was intussusception, a condition whereby the bowels telescope in on themselves. This can be intermittent and we'll just have to keep an eye on things. The goal here is to get an ultrasound when it's happening, so getting him to a doctor ASAP if it happens again (hopefully it won't).

Speaking of ultrasounds, that woman had the magic touch he serendaded her with the ABC's and Jingle Bells and told her he'd work on Silent Night.  Maybe he was in such a good mood when we got to her because we got to "drive the bed" down the hallway to get to her.

By far, the highlight of his night!

(Thanking our lucky starts to have a happy healthy little boy at home!)

Why the BEEP?

Little Dude is very interested in all things that cause a horn to beep?

He is also very aware of sharing.

And over the course of the last few weeks we have had more than a few occasions to talk about why mamma won't share.

Twice in the last week or so someone has come over into our lane of traffic and I have honked at them.

Little Dude always responds with, "What they do? Why you honk at them?"

To which I reply that they were trying to come into our lane and so I honked to let them know that we are already there.

And, this is where he gives me a talking too.

"Mamma they can come in our lane. We can share. Big purple truck can be our friend. It's-a good to share."

Hey LADY!

Last week, Little Dude and I went out to a local fast food joint with a playground for lunch.

Not particulary note-worthy I know, but stay with me.

At this particular joint, they have a person who walks around once you are seated and refills your drinks, clears your tray, etc. Nice, but one of the women who works there is a little "off"--too friendly--something.

Anywho, Lil' Dude and I eat, go play in the playground and then come back out for a little ice cream before we head out. And, here "she" comes, plops down a soda and walks away. I frown, raise an eyebrow...Liam asks what's wrong? I tell him that that isn't our soda since I already have one and he has a lemonade and that we'll just have to let her know when she comes back by.

Meanwhile I must have daydreamed for a second, because she was cleaning a table right across from where we were sitting with her back to us and this is what I hear:

"HEEEYYYY! (like a NJ mafioso) LADDDDYY! 'Das! not! our! cup!"

(I. Could. Have. Died.)

Smackdown

(Overheard from the back seat while we were driving to the playground on Sunday.)

Doctor, Doctor Ari sat on a wall.
Doctor, Doctor Ari had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Doctor, Doctor Ari together again.

Is this how toddlers talk smack?

Pediatrician better watch himself.

PIF: Day Seven

Pay It Forward: Day Seven

Well..whoop whoop! I won a $50 Kodak Gallery gift card from BoredMommy. That was a very nice surprise to find in my inbox and it certainly lifted my spirits today. Thanks, Maria!

I think Liam really got "Pay it Forward" started in our house today when he saw Tim paging through a Porshe magazine. It went a little something like this.

Liam: You readin' a car magazine?
Tim: Yeah, it's a Porshe magazine?
Liam: You like 'em?
Tim: I do buddy, they are very nice.
Liam: You should getta one for your birthday.
Tim: Oooh, I'd like that, but I don't have enough money.
Liam: (thinks) (thinks) I have a money in my piggy bank. You canna have it. (Goes upstairs and empties his bank.

(Cue Liam gets ice cream.)

So sweet!

For me, my Pay It Forward was more subtle today. I listened to someone who just needed to be listened to today. I didn't offer advice, or opinions...just listened and let them vent. And, then I sent all the positive energy in the world to them today as I know they need it.

And, lastly I designed (personalized a Blogger template) a blog for my sister-in-law (Fueled By Love) who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It felt so good to do something, since there is so very little I can do to help.She's gonna rock this recovery!!

Award?

If there was an Oscar given out to "Most Drama In A Given Day That Has Nothing To Do With You", today would have won hands down. I kid you not, this blog could be chock-full of good juicy bits, but then that wouldn't be very nice of me to air stuff that I have no business having my nose in anyway, would it?

Instead, I'll tell you about my travels home last night. It all started on the way to take Liam to gymnastics yesterday morning when he declared, " You needa gas!". And, I was all, "I'm low (1/4 tank), but we're good.". He was not having it though, over and over again, "Mamma you needa gas!". I should have listened, because on the way home I started to run out. The gas light came on in a not so great part of town, so I tried to make it a little farther and then I realized I was just simply not going to make it. So, I pulled off and there was \not a single gas station in sight no matter which way I turned. My car started to sputter a little, I knew I needed some fuel soon so I pulled out the GPS (or BGS as Liam calls it) pulled back the view and looked for gas station symbols. There were two not too far from where I was and I made my way there only to find that one was just a store that is usually, but not in this case, affiliated with a gas station. The second? Out of business. Gahhhh! And, now I had been of course long enough that I KNEW couldn't make it home. So, I zipped off at the next exit and frantically looked for a station as my car sputtered in the left turn lane...I crossed my fingers and toes and eye lashes. I made it in, barely.

I thought I had a 13 gallon tank, but it must be 13.5 since I put 13.49 gallons in the tank. Whew! 

Next time when Liam says, "You needa gas!" this mamma will listen.

PIF: Day Two

Pay it Forward: Day Two

Today started out a bit more promising than yesterday in that we actually DID get to hold the door for someone. As we walked into our polling place today, there was a woman in some kind of rush. I'm pretty sure that if we hadn't held the door she would have just passed through it with some crazy, I'm-in-a-rush-doors-cannot-contain-me kind of super power teletransport mechanism. But, we did in fact get to hold the door open. However, I felt like the effort went un-noticed and was unlikely to be repaid to some other human being with an act of kindness--so I decided it didn't really count. Maybe it was like a paper you got half credit for in school. Now, we didn't need her to notice in the form of gratitude, but just enough to "pay it forward".

So, onto part two...where I allowed Liam to have his pacifier outside of his crib for a whole 20 minutes before nap time. And, then I let him sleep with me in "mamma room" for his nap. Both of these things are very very VERY rare in our house. We can count the number of times he has slept in our bed on our fingers, but I thought that when Tim came home and went looking for us, it would give him a nice "warm fuzzy" to see us sleeping away together. As luck would have it, I awoke mere seconds after Tim found us and it seemed to have worked.

And, the whole paci thing? I figured if Liam got a little extra love today, maybe he would pay it forward to Tim by being in a great mood. My nightly report from Tim was that they did indeed have a great night.

All in all, it was a couple of small acts. But, since it seemed to bring both of my guys a little extra joy I'm calling day two a success.

Motto

I've decided that the de facto motto of mothers of toddlers should be, "Poop happens!". 

Yesterday as Liam and I were leaving gymnastics it was quite apparent that there was a small lake living in the confines of his super absorbent diaper. But, we were in a rush to meet up with his buddy at a local farm which turned into a playdate at the new play place in our mall since everything was sopping wet here. 

We pulled into the mall, and made a quick dash into a nearby department store to change what was quickly becoming an ocean in his diaper only to find that we did not in fact have ANY diapers in the diaper bag.

Since Liam wasn't bothered at all, we decided to go on to our playdate. I mentioned to the other mom our situation and as she checked her diaper bag, she only had one spare and she was sure that her own son would be needing it soon. So we laughed at his low slung diaper and caught each other up on the latest happenings for the next 20 or so minutes when Liam turned and "shook his leg". Ohnothiscan'tbegood! Not only did he shake his leg, like he was trying to get "something" out, but then he started clutching at the back of his knee and "Ewww, this certainly isn't going to turn out well.". She handed over the one diaper she had (God Bless Her!) and as I laid Liam down, it was then that I realized his pants were soaked with an overflow of hazerdous material. I changed said diaper, and then left him with the other mom as I flew into the department store, took the escalator by storm and bounded my way up to the second floor, grabbed the first pair of pants I could find (next time I'll look at the price tag first--ouch!) and whizzed on back to the play area, grabbed Liam and "pants'd him". 

The best part of this story is that there was a grandmother with her two grand kids in the play area who had obviously been saying to herself things about this apparent redneck mother who let her child run amok in a public play place in just a diaper, etc. etc. when she saw me come flying down the stairs pants in hand--and she lost it. She laughed so hard, she was beside herself about how I had run in to replace his pants. I'm glad that she got such a good laugh out of it, we did too!! But it also gave me that gentle reminder to keep in mind that we don't always have the full story.  

Traditions

 

Traditions are something that Tim and I really want to establish for Liam. Yet, it's been something that we have struggled with, except for Halloween. Just last night we held our 4th Annual Pumpkin Carving party. And, the weekend before we went to make paper lanterns at a local art collective called, The Creative Alliance. It was our second year in attendance and the first year that Liam could make his own. Tim and I made ours out of bamboo and they had cardboard ones that were partially assembled for the wee set.

Liam also dug into a pumpkin this year. Since he's mess-on-his-hands adverse, I was super stoked to see that he wanted to be part of "gut" removal. Then the paparazzi arrived and he had to leave, he has a rep' to protect and all. :)

Wrapping up our weekend, we went for a walk around the neighborhood to check out all the fun decorations. We talked about trick-or-treating and Little Dude is very very excited that simply uttering "Trick-or-Treat" will get him "CANDY!!!!!" next weekend.

We're looking forward to a Halloween fun filled week. Dress up day and party at school, bonfire at a friend's, party at a play group, ZooBoo, and of course Trick-or-Treating!

Have a Boo-ti-ful week!

A Boy and His Dad

Last night, someone said these really incredible things about Tim as a father. About how they admire his interactions with Liam. About how he takes Liam places and has these unique experiences just the two of of them. A boy and his dad, guys, taking on the world together. And, it just made me so proud. So proud of the wonderful role model he is to Liam and of the tremendous impact he is having on his life.

The best part was coming home and sharing that news with Tim. Being able to share with him news that although our swapping shifts isn't optimal it leaves him with this amazing time to get to know his son and for his son to know him. It leaves them with a bond that will stand the tests of time. It leaves them with a bond so strong, that other people not only notice, but comment on. It's a pretty amazing thing and I'm so glad to be a part of it.

And, Liam is growing up right before my eyes. These past two weeks he has come around to really enjoying school. He let the teacher paint his hand, which nearly had me collapse on the floor. This kid doesn't like ANYTHING on his hands  E-V-E-R. I think that story was the beginning of realizing that he's growing and changing. The following week he let his gymnastics teacher not only touch him but help him do a forward roll and yesterday he let her flip him around the bar. I must stop with my shock and awe. I must start giving him more credit. I must start seeing each day as a clean slate, as a day where all things are possible, even the impossible.

I am very blessed to have such amazing "dudes" in my life. I am so proud of both of them. So lucky that they are part of the fabric of my life.

Peace!

Texty Baby

Dude! I just gotta send out this one message and then I'll be right with you.

Beer

Last Friday, Liam and his buddy Noah are chilling at a local play group that meets up in the gymnasium of a now defunct school when he grabs this percussion instrument, holds it as pictured above and says to another mom (whom I don't know) "This is my beer, wanna a sip?". Oh God, Kill me now.

Really we don't drink that much. I don't actually drink hardly at all. And, we certainly don't offer "sips" to Liam......and then he "took a drink" and offered some to her child.

I expect a visit from CPS any day now.

Dino

This weekend was gorgeous here and we opened the windows for the first time this fall. Ahhhh....so wonderful! I had mentioned to Liam a few times that he couldn't put things on the screens and he seemed to get the picture. I left him to dance around the living room to the musical styling of his Fisher-Price house radio while I attended to unloading the dishwasher, wiping down the counters, etc. when he came in and told me that his dino was in time-out. I asked him what his dino had done to warrant it and he told me that he had been walking on the screens. I followed up to ask if Dino had said he was sorry and followed Liam as he went back into the living room. And, then I saw it, Dino was on the "time out" step (cracked me up) and I watched as Liam told him he needed to hear "I'm sorry" and a kiss and a hug before he got up, then he turned back towards me without picking up Dino.

He told me, "Dino wasn't ready, he needa sit 'dere for a few more minutes and fink about fings."

Epic Battle

An epic battle has now been waged between father and son, "Battle of the Bandz".

Last week, Grandma sent an arsenal of Silly Bandz into our home and that was all the ammunition that was needed for a full scale assault.

While his father was at work, Little Dude not-so-carefully flung all 60+ automotive shaped bands all over his father's side of the bed.

Upon getting ready to hunker down for the evening, Tim noticed the assault and declared, "Silly Monkey!" and tidied up the collateral damage (tossed them into a heap on his dresser).

The next morning after Little Dude awoke, while Mamma was getting ready he meandered into the battlefield (bedroom) and jaw dropped, an incredulous look crossed his face as he saw what had happened, turned to me and said "Silly Daddy!". He then walked over to the dresser, amassed two handfuls of bands and scattered them again.

Young warrior was not easily dissuaded. Will young grasshopper prevail? Only time will tell.

Danger

Yep. I probably should have known when I dressed him in a shirt that said "DANGER" in the morning--that in the evening he would sit in "time out" from dinner until bed time.

Skool Dayz

Liam's very first day of school was today and Tim was lucky enough to be off so we were able to go as a family. He was totally stoked about his lunch box and wanted to eat/drink everything inside it before we even left home.

He did a great job, marched right into the classroom by himself, and off he went. When we came to pick him up he just jibbered and jabbered and was obviously processing all the new things and places and experiences he had had during school. He talked about playing trucks with a young girl and about how they did bubbles and coloring and coloring and bubbles...and, it was awesome.

Parenting is challenging, but the pride you feel when your kid does a great job is second to none.

Rock on, Little Dude!

This Too Shall Pass

 

This too shall pass. Our happy little boy will return. 

Liam is struggling to sleep and his separation anxiety is getting stronger by the day. Both last night and tonight while I was away at work he "hid " from Tim. Tonight he even asked for some alone time and when it was a little too quiet for a little too long, Tim went looking for him to find that he had gone and gotten his blanket, his bubby (paci), and Peapod (his lovey) went into my office that he calls the "so comfy room", closed the door, climbed in my chair and was just sitting there...sad. It broke Tim's heart and mine a bit too in the retelling.

After his nap today, he sat and rocked with me for an hour in what we think was an attempt to stay my departure. Then, when I had to leave he pleaded, begged, sobbed and nearly tore the clothes off me in an attempt to keep me home. 

Perhaps I'll remind him of this when he's 12 and begging me to drop him off 6 blocks away from his destination 'lest I embarrass him.

Dropping Trou

Little Dude has developed a new and strangely hilarious hobby "dropping trou" or in layman's terms pulling his pants down--in public spaces. It first started a few weeks ago at the State Fair. One minute we were checking out the rabbits and roosters, the next I see him glancing over his shoulder, mischievous grin blazing with one hand firmly grasping each hip. I call over, "Don't. You...." and down they go around his ankles as he begins laughing manically and running as fast as possible in the opposite direction.

Then today not once, but twice he pulled them down at the nature center. I'm at the end of the dock, gazing out at the marsh when I hear "Look mamma I pulled my pants down." (waddle waddle waddle). And then once more before we got off the dock.

Once home he pulled them down to his ankles so they rested lighlty on his shoes and asked that we leave them that way for the next 45 minutes.

He's a nut, but he keeps me entertained.