Wednesday, June 8, 2011

...and it landed me in the ER.

My poor mother has to be so glad that she did not live in the current days of Child Protective Services on demand in the ER, because my brothers and I were there A LOT. And, I mean A LOT for ridiculous the time my brother, unbeknownst to my mother,  had shoved a pea so far up his nose it started to rot. That same brother also stuck a macrame bead up his nose. (I'm so glad Liam (knock on wood) doesn't put things other than his finger up there.) When he does go searching he does so with flair and he tells you all about the BOOGERS that come out.

That same brother also walked past a door and hit it just the right way that a pin went thru his skin so quickly that it didn't leave an entry wound and it broke off in his bone. No one and I mean NO ONE believed him that he was in pain and we left him in the hall all day. Even the ER doctor mocked him and told him how they were going to take an x-ray and it was going to show that NOTHING was wrong and how he was wasting everyone's time. And, came back with a pin broken off in his ankle bone..mea culpa.

The town where I grew up had raft races, think parades on the river. People made these huge floats, got themselves liquored up and floated down the river for a day. My parents participated every year with the hospital that my mom worked for. At the finish line, I was so excited to see my mom's float come in that I dashed out into the water to great her and see if I could help.

On my way out to great her I stepped on something that sliced my foot open deeply from end to end. I fell immediately to the sand, they tell me there was SO MUCH blood rising in the water and my slightly older brother carried me to an ambulance. For awhile they thought my tendon was cut and that they were going to have to amputate my leg. The hospital struggled to get a doctor to come in on a Saturday for a possible amputation so they sent me to a hand specialist in Detroit who was willing to take a look at it because "the hand and foot are similar enough."

Nice way for my parents to sober up, huh?

Then in high school when my parents were out of town my brother and his friends invited some ladies over for a little par-tay when I started to have an asthma attack, so I went upstairs to get my nebulizer (breathing machine), hooked it up and all was good until my brother's friend came up the stairs and saw all the tubing and frantically ran downstairs screaming, "YOUR SISTER IS DYING! YOUR SISTER IS DYING!" They sent the girls packing, rushed me to the ER, where the doctor that saw me said ummm....go home and do your nebulizer. I was all, "I tried, but then my brother's friend freaked out and declared my immenint death and here we are."

My favorite (although there are MANY more stories) is when my husband and I were packing up our houses to move in together a few weeks before our wedding. I had been robbed a few months earlier and was super motivated to move so my stuff had been packed for months.

His? Not so much.

Being bored and feeling counterproductive, I decided to run across his entire apartment and jump and flop onto his bed Superman style, except I missed and ran my knee cap at an absurdly fast pace into the post on his bed. Flailing on his bed, sure that I had broken my patella we drove to the ER.

This my friends is when they ask you what happened. I thought about making up some story, but decided it would be more fun all around if I just told the truth. The dude doing the intake laughed so hard and couldn't resist the urge to follow up with--

*wink wink*..suurrrrrrrrrrrrre that's what happened."

"If you say so."

"Maybe you guys should calm it down in the bedroom, no?"

He then followed us around telling everyone just how I'd landed myself in the ER that day.

Have you been to the ER before? Any good stories?

I should have a frequent visitor card.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Real Time Web Analytics