Perhaps the single worst piece of advice I have ever received was from my middle school counselor. My parents had divorced a few years before and my new family relocated to a new town which meant a new shcool in the middle of the middle school years. Fun, no? Anyway, on my first day of school I sat down with my new counselor and before she introduced herself or asked me anything about myself this is what she said, "Just a tip. You won't want to be friends with people who are nice to you right off the bat. Those just aren't going to be the kinds of people you are going to want to surround yourself with." Really?? What's so bad about nice people?
At this point you might be asking yourself what's sooo bad about this advice? Noted. I have received other bits of truly bad advice throughout my life, but none was as long lasting as this one. None had as lasting an impact as this one on my life as a whole. It was only a few years ago that I was able to put this all together. I know that sometimes in initial interactions with folks I can seem a bit stand-offish, but my advice at an early age was to be wary of nice people.
I think this goes to show that we never know what kind of impact we have on people, positive or negative...and it completely reinforces the power of words.
What's the worst piece of advice you have received?
I choose nice. Although I am somewhat shy at first which could be interpreted as standoffish.
ReplyDeleteWhich leads to my next comment that there was this nice woman in 2000 who commented on my blue shirt at my new office gig. I ended up going to a regional conference with her, where we, the two 22yo women, bonded over chocolate eyes. I'm sure glad that nice lady approached me. :)
Chocolate eye balls...all good friendships are formed that way. ;D
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, the hubs & I both had a couple of teachers around the same age that basically made us feel very "average" and that negativity has stayed with us too. I was placed in Adv English Lit or whatever it was in 7th grade, and 4 weeks into the class, the teacher told me I would never be a writer and shouldn't waste my time trying to keep up with advanced students. The hubs was told by his 7th grade English teacher that he would always be a "C-Student" and graded him accordingly. Both of these situations affected the rest of our English placement in high school too. I hate holding grudges, but when people knock you down for no reason, or only focus on the negative, instead of seeing your gifts & potential for more... it's just wrong.
ReplyDeleteMy fourth grade teacher repeatedly cut me down in front of the class. As a kid with learning disabilities, I had some challenges that some may not have had but no one worked harder than I. When I graduated Phi Beta Kappa from college, I sent her the local newspaper clipping. It felt great. I hate to admit it, but her nastiness also may have influenced my choice to have a beautiful career in secondary education. To Alissa's point, it's how we choose to act on the negativity that influences who we will become.
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ReplyDelete@ Kelli: And, people like teachers and counselors should know better. They should know the power of their words. I think you're a great writer. And, your hubs must be an "A+" guy, he was smart enough to snap you up. :P
ReplyDelete@ PN: Perhaps she influenced your endless patience and kindness towards others too. I love that you sent her a clipping.
ReplyDeleteSingle worst piece of advice came from a college freshman English teacher. She told me I couldn't write and I shouldn't ever try.
ReplyDeleteI didn't for years...and now I just want to tell her to go f%#ck herself.
@Lanita: You are a wonderful writer. One of my favorite blogs to read. She was obviously a very mis-guided teacher. Ugh. Glad you persevered.
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