Hot Mess

Dear Liam:

Your mamma is going to be one of those people in the crowd who loses it at the drop of a hat. This is new to me too, before you were born I just couldn't understand it. I didn't get teary at weddings or graduations and for the most part certainly not at TV shows. And, just yesterday I got all misty-eyed not once but TWICE during an episode of Full House. When Steve told DJ that he loved her, I got all weepy at the thought that someday someone will tell you that and it will show you love in a whole new way. Then, not 10 minutes later he broke up with her, and well that'll happen too. And, every time your heart breaks in life, mine will shatter.

I have interpreted a round of graduations and end-of-school year functions as of late and have come close to real tears at almost every one of them. At one a young boy was being honored for having done this enormously generous thing for the community and his mother just BEAMED--BEAMED with pride. I was proud with her. At yet another a mother was given a posthumous diploma for her son since he didn't live to see graduation day and I barely got the message off of my hands--because I can't imagine life without you.

I don't care to watch movies or TV shows that show children being injured, abducted, etc. I just can't do it anymore. I can't imagine the grief of parents who truly experience this.

Two nights ago, we celebrated the 4th of July with you for the third time. The local parade here was the very first "event" we took you too and we've made it a priority since. Last year we took you to local fireworks too and you loved it. You snuggled right up to dad and watched them lying right next to him. Pretty awesome stuff.

So this year we took you to the BIG fireworks and symphony show that we used to go to before you were born. You were not such a fan of the pyrotechnics this year--maybe next year will be better. But, before they started the fireworks they played "Amazing Grace" --a song I have sung to you every single night since we left the hospital. I know it's not the traditional lullaby, but I knew all the words, it was slow and delicate and so it won out. And, I've sung it to you twice thru every single night that I have been here for bedtime. So, when it started to play last night, you got up form daddy's lap, came over to mine and snuggled--gave me a bug kiss and told me that you loved me--and I was a mess. Tears streamed down my face. I hope you will always associate that song with my love for you. And, when it randomly appears at a concert or an event, you'll think of me--because it will always make me think of you.

Love-

Mamma