Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Rant About Judgy McJudgerson

After a whopping total of perhaps 12 minutes interacting with my child over the course of 4 accidental meeting and perhaps a combined time of knowing me less than 4 hours a mother decided to make a few choice observations about me as a mother and the job I am doing in that role for my son.

Because you know all of us "mothers of one" deserve that pathetic look down as if we were not able to have more and are leading our child down a life of loneliness and haphazard care because we were too selfish to have more or didn't really put the needs of our children first. And, to stay at home on top of it, well that just makes us all the more sad now doesn't it? Except I straddle both sides of the mythological mommy war. I stay at home during the standard stay-at-home mommy hours and then work outside the home evenings and weekends.

I swear to God if I hear one more person say how "Liam would like a sibling" I am going to explode. Because Liam gets a lot of choices in our household. We believe strongly in choice and he is well aware of that fact and exercises that power perhaps more frequently than we'd like some days. But, he does not get a choice in whether or not we choose to procreate. He won't be paying the bills, making the sacrifices of raising two children on this unbelievable schedule that we have kept of up 3 1/2 years. And, I beg to differ in whether he would want a sibling at the expense of his mother dying in labor or being so irrevocable fucked up by PPD that she's not actually there to parent.

So, when Suzy Q tried to be oh so helpful and tried to inform met that since I was a stay-at-home mom of a single child I should really put some effort into socializing him. She wanted to know if...

...we are in fact signed up at the local swimming school?

No, we are not in that my kid despises water.

And, while that's very kind of you to state while non-verbally tsk-tsking me for not teaching him to swim. I must confess that I too agree swimming is important, but scaring him to death by singing ring around the rosie while spontaneously submerging his body under water at intermittent and unpredictable times is dare I say not the best approach for us, for him.

Not to be rebuffed she then went on to see if I was attending the "Mommy and Me" program. To which I tried to delicately inquire exactly which "Mommy and Me" program she was referring to, when she took me for an idiot and wrote down MOMMY AND ME on a piece of paper. I understand English you dipshit, which Mommy and Me program were you referring to?

Because you do know there is more than one, right?

You did know that twice a week there is a Mommy and Me storytime at Barnes and Noble, and sometimes an occasional one for other festive events?

You did know that there was a Mommy and Me once a week at two different Whole Foods stores? One inside and one outside of the city on different days of the week?

You did know that the local train museum has a Mommy and Me program?

You did know that half a dozen nature centers have a Mommy and Me program at a variety of times? Some free, some not?

You did know that the zoo has preschool Mommy and Me days in the ridiculously hot months of the summer?

You did know that the library publishes a 10+ page activity calendar brimming with Mommy and Me programs at more than a dozen locations?

Or what about the group of folks we meet with regularly from our child birth group, or the luncheon we attended for a year at the hospital we delivered at?

Maybe you meant I should take him places like the State Fair, 4H fair, Artscape, Book Festival, Folklife Festival, AMC Movie camp, area camping trips, t-ball, the beach, playgrounds (inside and out)??

While I might have faults as a mother (shocking I do).

Getting my child out of this house and into the world is. not. one. of them.

I have damn near Mommy and Me'd myself into a 12-step program.

So back off and go mind your own damn children.

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