I have three grown daughters, ages 24, 22 and 20. When my eldest girl went away to college, she never really came back, and while I live near Annapolis, she now lives in the middle of PA, 3 1/2 hours away. In the spring after her first year away, she returned home and cleared out her room, packing the things she wanted to keep with her in her new apartment. She loaded her car and told me that whatever was left in her room was mine to keep or trash. Soon after she left, I went into the room and began sorting through her things. The overwhelming emotion that rocked me was more powerful than just about anything that I had experienced up to that moment. I got lost in her yearbooks, her ribbons from pony club, her journals from when she was very young, and it wasn't long before I was clutching things and sobbing. The memory of holding her as an infant, of rocking her and singing to her and just nestling her into the crook of my neck and feeling her breath there...it was powerful and it brought me to my knees. I just wanted one more time, please, to hold her like that. I considered all the wasted times when I just flung her about on my hip and wanted respite, to have someone else take her so I could get stuff done. I would have traded a digit to get one moment back to hold her, my baby.
So I know people tell you to treasure the time when they are very young, and about how these are the best years, and you think to yourself, "really, but I'm so exhausted. Is this really as good as it gets?" and I can tell you, there will come a day when you will miss 3am feedings and you'll be willing to trade body parts for a snuggle.Enjoy.
